Thursday, May 19, 2005

Execution Dream

Last night I dreamed that I was in an office building with a group of people. Suddenly there was an explosion outside, so we all ran to the balcony window to see what was happening. There were armed men in the courtyard, in military camouflage. They ran up the stairs to the room we were in, and announced that we were all political hostages. They made demands over a cell phone and announced they would be killing one hostage soon.

They picked me. I was frightened and my mouth felt dry. They took me to the balcony and made me kneel down, and then they shot me in the back of the head. Before they shot me I was thinking, "I hope this isn't going to hurt."

Oddly enough, I felt the cold entry of the bullet, and nothing else. It felt like my consciousness shattered into millions of pieces, parts of me becoming shining fritillaries being showered across the universe, and then coming back together again. I was still me, but only in spirit. Then I looked at everyone in the room I had just left. They were all pale with fear. My consciousness went over to each one, trying to see if I could communicate with them after death.

I found my ex-boyfriend A. in the room and waved my hand in front of his face. He frowned and shifted his eyes from left to right. It was like he could almost see me. I tried talking to him telepathically, and it felt like my broken up thoughts were entering his brain much like white noise. Then I saw a tear roll down his face, and I thought, "I knew you'd miss me."